MHM 2022 - Cognitive Distortions: “Should” Thinking

Cognitive distortions are negative or irrational patterns of thinking. Everyone experiences these on occasion, but if the faulty thought patterns persist, they can greatly affect your self-esteem, motivation, and quality of life. Today' I’ll focus on one that happens to me a lot: “should” thinking.

In “should” thinking, you often focus on what “should” have happened or what you “should” be doing. If things don’t go like they “should”, it is seen as a failure, and can cause anxiety and guilt. These thoughts often emphasize unattainable standards and put yourself under extreme pressure.

For example, when I went to Planet Comicon to meet Adam Savage, I managed to forget my 3D printed Leia blaster at home. I was (and still am, tbh) devastated. I know he would have loved it. I “should” have made a list of things to take to KC. I “should” have packed earlier. I “should” have put it near the rest of my Leia costume. I did manage to bring his book to KC for him to sign, but I managed to leave that at the house. I “should” have given myself a reminder. I “should” have packed in in the other bag. Etc, etc, etc.

None of that actually affected my experience at Planet Comicon. Adam Savage was super impressed with my knit Leia hair, I still got to show him the blaster on my phone, and he signed the photo of us. Plus I had a great time at the con in general. In the grand scheme of things, I did the best I could, but those “should” statements still hang over me. It’s hard to resolve those distortions and it’s something I talk about in therapy all the time.