Shawl Every Day 2023

This is the 7th editionof a project I call Shawl Every Day where I wear a different shawl or cowl every day until I run out. In previous years, I have posted along with a theme such as featuring local businesses or maker tips and tricks. I’ve done this series talking about mental health in the past, but since it had been a few years, I decided to revisit the topic.

Day 1 - Intro

Today is the start of a project I do approximately every year called Shawl Every Day where I wear a different shawl or cowl I've made every day until I run out. This year I will also be posting about mental health, something which I've done before, but I felt it was worth a revisit.

I am not a mental health professional, but I do know a lot. I have a couple mental health conditions and I love a lot of people who do as well. I'm certified in both adult and youth Mental Health First Aid. I've been through a lot, seen a lot, and read a lot.

The most important thing I try to emphasize is that it's okay to talk about mental health. The more we talk about it, the less it is stigmatized, and the easier it is for people to get help.

I hope that during Shawl Every Day you learn something about mental health, feel encouraged to share your own story, and enjoy all of my beautiful shawls and cowls.

Shawl pattern is Damask by Kitman Figueroa

Day 2 - Mental Health First Aid

What is Mental Health First Aid? Well, just like you might learn CPR or how to put someone in the recovery position to help in a physical health crisis, you can also learn skills to help someone during a mental health or substance use challenge or crisis. MHFA will help you identify the signs and symptoms of someone experiencing a crisis and provides you an action plan with steps you can take to help that person through the challenge or crisis.

I have taken both the adult and youth versions and have found them invaluable. I have used the skills I've learned in real life and it can be a literal lifesaver. The classes are free in Missouri and there are several options for in person/hybrid/virtual. Link in bio/comments with upcoming classes. I highly recommend MHFA for everyone and let me know if you have any questions!

Shawl pattern is The Amber Cowl by @my_mirella_moments

Day 3 - Finding a Therapist

Having a therapist is a great tool in your mental health toolbox. But how do you get started? There are a lot of different options depending on your situation.

You could ask your primary care doctor for a referral. You could ask your friends if they have a person or group they recommend. You can see if your insurance has a list of therapists they cover. There are several search sites I recommend. You can try teletherapy apps like Better Help or Talkspace.

For example, I was looking for a new pdoc (psychologist who can prescribe meds) recently. I asked my husband who he sees because he seems to like his pdoc. His pdoc works out of St. Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute, so I went to their website, clicked on Appointments, and filled out their form to request an appointment. They called me later that day or the next day and we talked and got something scheduled for a couple weeks out.

If you aren't sure what do to or are scared to make a phone call or fill out the form yourself, absolutely send me a message and I can help you step by step. It's okay to get help and it's okay to ask for help to get the help you need.

Shawl pattern is Cicada Shawl by @tobyroxane

Day 4 - Transgender Youth and Mental Health

86% of transgender youth reported feeling suicidal, and 56% reported a previous suicide attempt. Transgender people are also more at risk for self-harm and mental health conditions in general, especially anxiety and depression.

Discrimination, harassment, isolation, lack of access to gender-affirming medical care, and stigma can all contribute to negative mental health outcomes. Things you can do to help are:

  • use the person's preferred name and pronouns and correct others who don't

  • tell them you care about them and want to support them

  • ask how to help them feel understood

  • don't "out" them to others, respect their boundaries

  • educate yourself using trusted resources like @pflag and @transequalitynow

If you are transgender and are having thoughts of suicide or in crisis, call the @translifeline at 1-877-565-8860.

Shawl pattern is Schwarm by @hadaknits

Day 5 - Depression Lies

Depression lies. It tells you that you aren't good enough, that nobody loves you, that things will never get better. Even though you know intellectually and rationally that your life is probably okay, Depression doesn't let you feel that way.

But it's not easy to tell Depression to go away. Believe me, if I could, I would have done that already. Which is why it's so important to be gentle to yourself and practice self care. Acknowledge that Depression lies and do the small things that bring you happiness.

It will get better and you will be okay. You are not alone.

Shawl pattern is Crusher Cowl by @lattesandllamasyarn

Nod to @itswilwheaton for today's post

Day 6 - Seasonal Affective Disorder

The changing seasons can absolutely affect mental health. Sunlight is known to improve your mental health, and people can feel more down during winter when the days are shorter.

Seasonal affective disorder is a type of depression that typically starts in the fall and lasts through the winter, but then the symptoms aren't present in the summer. Symptoms of SAD are similar to major depressive disorder, such as losing interest in things you usually enjoy, feeling lethargic or having low energy, feeling hopeless or worthless, weight gain, etc.

If you feel down during the winter, don't dismiss it as simply the "winter blues" or a seasonal funk you just have to get through. Treatment often includes light therapy, regular therapy, and antidepressants. I've used the 10k lux light lamps in the past and they work great!

Shawl pattern is Wrapped in Leaves by @nevernotknitting

Day 7 - Hope For The Day

Hope for the Day (H.F.T.D) @hopefortheday is a non-profit movement empowering the conversation on proactive suicide prevention and mental health education. They have various classes you can take, webinars you can attend, plus they have a zillions resources you can read and share.

I have attended several of their webinars and all the stuff they post on social media is great. One of their mottoes is that IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY, which is something I try to espouse with all of my mental health conversations. They are one of the biggest resources I use and there is something for everyone. I really hope you take the time to check them out and learn something new about mental health.

Cowl pattern is Valin by Marlene Berghout

Day 8 - Medication

Taking medication for mental health is totally normal. Medication is just another tool to help you feel better. But it's also important to continue taking your medication. When you start feeling better, that just means the meds are working, it doesn't mean you can stop taking them. Meds are a typical long term treatment for mental health conditions and it's okay to take them, but make sure to keep it up.

Cowl pattern is Undertone by @tincanknits Some of the yarn by @grandarmyfarm

Day 9 - Mental Health and Genetics

Mental health conditions are caused by a variety of factors, including both genetic and environmental components. There is not one gene that can cause a person to have a mental health condition, but some conditions are more likely to be hereditary, such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and depression. Trauma, emotional harm, substance abuse, isolation/loneliness, and other life stressors also contribute to experiencing a mental health condition.

For bipolar disorder, it is estimated that around 70-90% of all cases are attributed to genetic factors. If one of your parents has bipolar disorder, you are approximately 10x more at risk of developing it compared to random chance. Schizophrenia has about 70-80% genetic heritability and you are 6x more likely to develop it if one of your parents has schizophrenia.

There are few genes that are of interest as related to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and depression, including variations in 2 genes that code for the cellular machinery that helps regulate the flow of calcium into neurons. Variation in one of these, called CACNA1C is known to affect brain circuitry involved in emotion, thinking, attention and memory - functions that can be disrupted in mental illnesses. Variation in another calcium channel gene, called CACNB2, is also linked.

While genetic diagnostics are not currently possible, research continues around the genetic components of mental health conditions. Tons of links are on my mental health resources page, link in bio/comments.

Cowl pattern is The Willow Hooded Cowl by HooknBobbin

Day 10 - The Impossible Task

If you have experienced depression, you may have also experienced the Impossible Task. It's the thing that "should" be easy to do, but you just. can't. do it. You know you need to and doing it will help make you feel better. It's something you've done before and you know you can in theory, but in practice, it might as well be impossible.

If you or someone you care about are struggling with an Impossible Task, there are plenty of things that aren't super helpful.

  • Breaking the task down into smaller pieces - No matter how small the task, it's still impossible.

  • Pairing the task with something you like doing - That just makes the thing you like feel less good by comparison

  • Rewards - Trust me, if a reward worked, we would have tried that already.

  • Reminding yourself how much you used to enjoy doing the task - This is the worst because it adds extra guilt about why you haven't done it this time.

Things that ARE helpful with an Impossible Task:

  • Understand and accept that you are not to blame

  • Be compassionate to yourself

  • Release yourself from guilt and expectation

  • Ask what’s the worst thing that could happen if I don’t do this today? Can I live with that?

  • Asking or paying for help

More details about the Impossible Task are in the general mental health section at the link in the comments.

Shawl pattern is Lisette by Truly Myrtle

Day 11 - Body Dysmorphic Disorder

A mental health condition that is often overlooked or misdiagnosed is body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). It's a body image disorder that is NOT related to eating disorders, but is more related to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It involves fixating on a perceived "flaw" about your body that is either non-existent or is very exaggerated. Symptoms include frequent checking of the "flaw" in the mirror, going to great lengths to hide or fix the flaw, and spending a significant about of time thinking about the flaw such that it disrupts your day-to-day life.

Causes of BDD are complex, and may be related to childhood trauma. People with BDD have high rates of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts. If you think you might have BDD, take the test in the comments below or in the BDD section of my mental health resources page linked in my bio.

Shawl pattern is Baby Sunshine by @pekapekapatterns

Day 12 - Calling a Crisis Line

Calling or texting a mental health crisis line may seem intimidating, but here's what you can expect if you call 988. There will first be automated options to direct you to Spanish or to a veteran's-specific line. Then you will be connected to a crisis line in your area. In St. Louis, this will be Behavioral Health Response. @bhr_stl

Once on the line, the person will want to know if you are in immediate danger so they can you help the fastest. They may ask basic questions like your name, age, preferred pronouns, but you are not obligated to provide that. After that, you guide the story. Tell the person how you are feeling and what you are struggling with. They will be there to listen without judgement and help get you through your crisis. They may help you come up with a safety plan and deciding next steps.

I personally have called a crisis line and it was exactly as I have described. They helped me through the situation and gave me guidance for what I could do next. They are a great resource for when you are struggling, even if you are not having thoughts of suicide. Please feel free to message me with any questions you might have.

Cowl pattern is Apiarist Cowl by @autumnandindigo

Day 13 - Self Love Rainbow

@selfloverainbow is an awesome account that posts great mental health content and also creates a bunch of cool workbooks and planners to help you with your self-care.

If you're feeling up to it, comment with a colored heart emoji to share how you're feeling and one thing you can do to improve your mental health, no matter how small.

I can remind myself not to catastrophize and assume the worst. Things will be fine and nothing terrible will happen if it doesn't go 100% as planned.

Shawl pattern is Light in Shadows by @starlingknitsncrafts

Day 14 - Headspace

I just found out that @headspace is free for people who have a @stlouiscountylibrary card! If you're not familiar with Headspace, it's a meditation and mindfulness app that can help with your mental health. Studies have shown that meditation and mindfulness reduce stress and improve sleep, among other mental and physical health benefits.

From the library's website: "Sign up during one of the open enrollments below to get free, unlimited use of Headspace during your enrollment period. You are welcome to sign up again during the next open enrollment. If you use the same email address, your progress and history will be saved. There are a limited number of spots available during each open enrollment." Enrollment opened on April 3rd, so there's plenty of this period's subscription left. Hope you give it a try!

Cowl pattern is Free For All Cowl by @websterstreetknittery

Day 15 - St. Louis Sliding Scale Mental Health Providers

Cost is sometimes a factor when considering mental health services, such as psychiatry or therapy. There are several clinics in the St. Louis area that offer services on a sliding scale basis. This is not a comprehensive list, but it's a good place to start if you need help and might have trouble paying for it. Everyone deserves to get mental health care.

Cowl pattern called Double Knit Kraken Cowl by @kraftlingdesigns

Day 16 - Project Semicolon

A semicolon is used when an author could have chosen to end the sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life. Project Semicolon @projsemicolon is dedicated to increasing awareness, saving lives and reducing the stigma of suicide.

People will get a semi colon tattoo to show that they have attempted suicide or had suicidal ideations which they did not follow through on. My tattoo, though, is not mine. My mother attempted suicide when I was younger. When she found out about Project Semicolon, she wanted to get the tattoo. We designed it to look like a flower I used to draw on cards and things. She was getting hers on her wrist and I would get a matching one on my back. However, she passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack before our appointment, so I got her tattoo as well.

Your story isn't over.

Cowl pattern is Winterlong by @bristolivy

Day 17 - Post-Partum Depression

Many people feel sad, moody, or anxious after giving birth. This is pretty common and typically goes away after a few days. However, if your symptoms don't go away and you start experiencing additional symptoms, you may have postpartum depression.

Symptoms of PPD include, but are not limited to:

  • not being able to bond with the baby

  • feeling overwhelmed

  • intense irritability and anger

  • fear that you aren't a good parent

  • worthlessness

  • thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

  • overwhelming fatigue

If the symptoms are affecting your day to day life more so than just "hey, our lives are a little different now that we have a baby", it would be a good idea to talk to your OB/GYN or a psychiatrist. Medication and therapy are common treatments and most antidepressants are safe to use while breastfeeding. Don't delay in getting help. Making sure you take care of yourself will help you take care of your baby.

Shawl pattern is Pirate's Cove by Hilary Latimer.

Day 18 - What To Say When Reaching Out

I've always said that it's important to reach out to people you care about if you think they might be struggling with their mental health. But what exactly do you say? Here are some ideas:

  • It feels like you haven't been yourself lately, do you want to talk about it?

  • I've been thinking about you and wondered if we could set some time aside to talk if you'd like.

  • I noticed that you <did some particular behavior of concern> and wanted to let you know that I'm always here for you and willing to help you if you need/want it.

Approach the conversation without judgement, let the person talk about it as much or as little as they want, and truly listen to their concern. Here are ideas for things you can say during your conversation:

  • That must be very difficult, can you tell me more about that?

  • Wow, that really does suck. Do you have an idea of what your next steps are going to be?

  • Are you looking for my perspective or do you just want me to listen?

You might worry that you say "the wrong thing", but it's more important that you let that person know you are there for them no matter what.

Shawl pattern is Lots of Lotus Cowl by Laura Snyder

Yarn is by @homestead.fibers from @7sistersyarnandfiber

Day 19 - “Stupid Depression Pose”

Encapsulating a mental health condition into one photo is certainly challenging. However, I would like to call out the persistent use of what I like to call "stupid depression pose."

It features a person sitting on their ground with their knees bent, holding their head in their hands, often with some sort of cloud or action around their head. Let's just say that no person with depression has ever sat like that. It's so pervasive that 36 of the top 64 images in a search for "depression" feature that pose (56.25%). A further 8 images use just the "cloud around head" portion (12.5%).

There were 2 images I really liked because they showed the variety of symptoms that a person with depression can have. And while that obviously negates the point of having one visual element depicting depression, it's better that people feel seen and know that depression can be a bunch of different things, not just sadness.

The last picture in this post is about as close as I have come to in depicting depression in one image. Are there any images you have come across that you feel captures what depression feels like?

Shawl pattern is Shaelyn by @leila_raven

Mental health illustration of girl in bed by Abdur Razzaq via @vecteezy

Day 20 - AFSP Fundraiser

It's my birthday today! As part of my birthday celebrations, I'm raising money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention . For all items purchased from my shop (classes and gift cards included) between now and 4/28, I will donate 25% to the AFSP. My goal is $600 and I've raised $290 already. Thanks so much for your support!

Shawl pattern is Moonlight Sonata Shawl by Shui Kuen Kozinski

Day 21 - UCLA Friends of the Semel Institute

The Friends of the Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior at UCLA @uclafriendsofsemel is dedicated to improving the lives of people with mental illness by supporting research to advance innovative treatments and sponsoring educational programs to raise awareness and erase stigma.

I have attended quite a few of their Open Mind webinars/lectures and they are all excellent. The most recent one I attended was the "Fully Present" one about mindfulness. I learned a lot and I highly recommend getting on their mailing list to learn what events are coming up. I think the next webinar I'm going to be able to attend is on 5/30 where they talk to the Chief Medical Officer of NAMI .

I am super curious about the lecture "Psychedelics for Human Suffering: A New Paradigm for the 21st Century?", but I have another event that evening. Is anyone else thinking about attending?

Cowl pattern is Trail of Leaves by @knitforthesoul1

Day 22 - Dermatillomania

Dermatillomania, or skin picking disorder, is a body-focused repetitive behavior where a person compulsively picks or scratches their skin, causing injury or scarring. It is often co-occuring with OCD, anxiety, and depression. People may not be able to stop picking at their skin, even though they know it is causing damage.

The most common age of onset is 9-13 years old, around the start of puberty. It can start by picking at acne, but then continuing even after the acne has disappeared. Another common age of onset is 30-45 years old, which could be related to acne, but also stressful life situations, like marriage trouble, death of loved ones, unwanted pregnancies, etc. Treatment often includes therapy, most commonly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which helps recognize thoughts that contribute to the skin picking behavior and how to change those thoughts to reduce the behavior.

I have dermatillomania, which in the past, was mostly focused on my face (you can see some mild scabs in this photo), but now is mostly focused on my upper back. My husband helps remind me not to pick, and he puts on some heavy duty bandaids that I can't pick around, which gives the skin time to heal instead of me repeatedly re-injuring the area.

Cowl pattern is Oats by @tincanknits

Day 23 - Children and Mental Health

Mental health conditions can occur in children and teens as well as adults, with anxiety, ADHD, depression, autism spectrum disorder, eating disorders, PTSD, and substance use disorders being the most common. It can sometimes be difficult to tell between challenging behaviors and emotions that are a part of normal childhood development and what could be a mental health condition that needs to be addressed in a more focused way.

Some signs and symptoms include:

  • Change in sleep or eating habits

  • Unexplained stomach aches or headaches

  • Difficulty in making and/or keeping friendships

  • Negative self-talk

  • Frequent tantrums or irritability

  • Low energy or constant fidgeting

  • Loss of interest in things they used to enjoy

  • Decline in school performance and/or interest in school

Many of these are behaviors that kids will experience at some point in their life, but if it's a change in their behavior or persists for several weeks, it may be time to get an evaluation. You can reach out to your child's primary care doctor and they can either help with an assessment or refer you to a mental health professional that specialized in youth or teen care.

Treatment will likely consist of therapy along with "homework" to do between sessions for both the child and the parents. Medication may be used along with therapy and other treatments. Early intervention will help provide resiliency and prevention of more serious symptoms, so it's better to talk about it just in case rather than wait for a crisis situation.

Shawl pattern is Rum and Cola by Boo Knits.

Day 24 - Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are more than just "things that pop into your head." They are typically distressing, unwanted, and difficult to push out of your mind. One of the most common themes of intrusive thoughts is doubt. It can make you doubt your relationships, your sexual orientation, whether or not you completed a task such as locking a door, or if you did a task well enough. Other common themes include violence towards yourself or others, reliving past trauma, and intrusive sexual thoughts.

Most people with intrusive thoughts DO NOT want to act on these thoughts. They are unwanted! But, the thoughts make themselves extremely believable, so it can be hard to recognize that they are false. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you identify an intrusive thought, remind you that you are not your thoughts, and accept the thought as existing without judgement towards yourself.

Cowl pattern is Contentment Cowl by @leahmdesigns

Day 25 - Calm Strips

@calmstrips are a great tool to use for anxiety, body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRD), ADD/ADHD, ASD, and just general fidgeting. I use mine to help with my dermatillomania. If I feel the urge to pick at something, I will scratch the bumpy texture or pick at a corner of the strips. They come in 2 textures, smoother and bumpier, and I prefer the bumpier one. I attached mine to my phone, but they also have key chains that you can stick the strips to.

More recently, they have created stickers with printed breathing exercises that you can follow with your finger to help ground you if you are starting to get panicky or overwhelmed. All orders in the month of April (only a few days left!) come with an infinity symbol calm "strip" for autism & neurodiversity acceptance month!

I have a ton of products that I personally have purchased, so if you are interested in trying one out, send me a message and I can mail you something. BTW, this post is not sponsored at all, I just love their products and have been using them for years!

Shawl pattern is Wild Prairie by @whiletheyplaydesigns

Day 26 - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is NOT just being "particular" about things or wanting things to be symmetrical or washing your hands. It is a serious mental health condition that consists of cycles of obsession, anxiety, compulsion, and relief.

The obsessions often take the form of intrusive thoughts which can trigger anxiety. The thoughts and urges are very distressing and can cause you to doubt what you know is right or going well. This extreme worry can then lead to compulsions, which are behaviors, rituals, or actions that you feel you must take to alleviate that worry. This can take the form of excessive checking, rumination, seeking reassurance, or anything that will help confirm the "rightness" of the situation. These compulsions often provide some temporary relief, but it is likely that the obsessions will return.

ERP therapy (Exposure and Response Prevention) is currently the most effective treatment for OCD. It helps you see obsessions as no longer threatening and can reduce your compulsive response and get you out of the OCD cycle.

Cowl pattern is Black Light by @shaina.bilow via @knittymag

Illustration credit to @heartsofgrowth

Day 27 - Starting Therapy

Therapy is an awesome tool to use for treating mental health conditions. Pretty much everyone can benefit from talking to a therapist. But what exactly does that mean or look like?

They'll often start with something like "tell me about what's going on." This lets you talk about whatever you want to and they will listen without judgement. They may also ask what your goal is with therapy, and you may not know right away, and that's okay. Even just saying things out loud to someone can help make things clearer for yourself.

A therapist's main job is to help you untangle all the different feelings, emotions, thought processes, and behaviors that you are experiencing. They will help show you some different perspectives and encourage better thinking habits.

Therapy isn't about "curing" your mental health condition or hoping that it will magically make you "better." It's more of an ongoing process that allows you to understand yourself and care for yourself and love yourself.

Cowl pattern is Sexy Berlin Cowl by @knitterista

Day 28 - Mental Health Language

Words mean things. It's important to use the correct words when referring to mental health conditions. For example, you may have noticed that I no longer say mental illness. Better phrases are mental health conditions, mental health concerns, or mental health challenges.

By using language that is person-focused and has less negative connotations, we can help reduce the stigma around mental health. There are a ton of phrases and concepts that have changed over the years.

  • manic-depressive --> bipolar disorder

  • multiple personality disorder --> dissociative identity disorder

  • committed suicide --> died by suicide or completed suicide

  • addiction --> substance use disorders

  • depression --> major depressive disorder

There are also newer phrases for things that didn't have a great collection before.

  • body-focused repetitive behavior (BRFD) - nail biting, skin picking, hair pulling

  • autism spectrum disorder (ASD) - previously austim, aspergers, and a couple other diagnoses

For more information, check out the link in bio/comments for more ways to reduce stigma and break down misconceptions and stereotypes.

Shawl pattern is Triangulines by @nimble_knits

Day 29 - Mental Health Books

Today is Independent Bookstore Day, so I would like to highlight some of my favorite mental health books. I especially like graphic novels, because they can really help portray visually what it feels like to have a mental health challenge.

Pictured:

  • Lighter Than My Shadow by Katie Green, in which she depicts her struggle and tumultuous recovery from a serious eating disorder.

  • How to be Depressed: A Guide by Dana Eagle. This book is littered with in-jokes about depression that are funny, sad, and true all at the same time.

  • Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh was the first real example of depression that I saw in a comic. She captures the experience really well, drawn in her unique style.

  • Everything is OK by Debbie Tung captures the experience of worsening depression along with attending therapy and getting out of the darkness.

Not pictured:

  • Marbles by Ellen Forney (bipolar disorder)

  • Scaredy Squirrel by Mélanie Watt (anxiety, aimed at kids)

  • January First by Michael Schofield (schizophrenia)

  • The Fry Chronicles by Stephen Fry (bipolar disorder)

My independent bookstore is @subbooks ! I picked up a couple more mental health books from them this past week, but I haven't had a chance to read them yet. I'll try to report back later!

Today is also Local Yarn Store (LYS Day), so I'm wearing a shawl using yarn from my "LYS from another mother" @studiosouthpensacola !

Shawl pattern is Fire Flower by @wonderlandyarns

Day 30 - Neurotransmitters

It is a popular myth that mental health conditions are mainly caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, referring to the neurotransmitters dopamine, serotonin, and nor-epinephrine, and others. Early research in this area did suggest that these neurotransmitters are --related-- to mental health, but newer research has not shown them to be an actual --cause-- of mental health challenges.

There are no current tests for these neurotransmitter levels, but medications such anti-depressants that target these chemical imbalances are frequently effective. However, if it were a case of a simple imbalance, these medications would work more quickly and even more effectively, like with Type 1 diabetes and insulin. Medication along with therapy is the current recommended treatment so it can target both the physical aspects and the social aspects of a mental health condition.

The research will always be ongoing and we've come a long way already, and it's always great for science to figure out more things about mental health.

Shawl pattern is Sunlight Shawl for Sad People by @softsweater

Day 31 - #morethanenough

Your worth is not measured by your productivity. You are #morethanenough

Even if all you did today was wake up, that is #morethanenough

If someone you love is struggling, just being there for them is #morethanenough

My depression and anxiety are not the only things that define me. I am #morethanenough

You are not a burden. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and fulfillment. You are #morethanenough

Please, share your reasons that you are #morethanenough or offer encouragement and support to others who may be struggling. You are not alone, I promise.

Shawl pattern is Dichotomy by Marjorie Dussaud

Day 32 - Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health condition in the US. They include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, social anxiety disorder (previously known as social phobia), specific phobias (such as heights, spiders, etc), another less common conditions like agoraphobia and separation anxiety disorder. PTSD and OCD are related mental health conditions that also have aspects of anxiety.

Fear and worry are common emotions, but when those feelings don't go away and/or start affecting your day-to-day life, it may be time to see a mental health professional. Symptoms include:

  • feeling nervous, restless or tense

  • having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom

  • increased hearth rate or breathing rate

  • difficulty sleeping

  • muscle tightness or body fatigue

  • trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry

  • difficulty controlling your worry

As with most mental health conditions, anxiety is best treated with a combination of therapy and medication. There are a variety of different options in both of these categories, so working with a mental health professional will help find you the treatment plan that best works for you.

You don't have to "tough it out" on your own and it's okay to ask for help. Asking for help is NOT a sign of personal failing, but one of strength, of being able to take the next step to getting better.

Shawl pattern is Stripes, Stripes, & Stripes by @sybilra2

Day 33 - Removing “That’s Crazy”

I have been trying really hard to remove the phrase "that's crazy" and its variants from my vocabulary. "Crazy" is so loaded with stigma and negative associations for those with mental health conditions. "That's insane" or "that's nuts" are also problematic.

Plus, there are so many other options out there! My current go-tos are "that's wild" and "that's bananas". Or, I try to get more specific about what is "crazy" about it. Maybe it's unexpected or silly or bizarre. I'm also going with "it's driving me up the wall" instead of "driving me nuts" or "driving me crazy."

Changing the words you use is an easy way to show thoughtfulness, support, and kindness.

Shawl pattern is Zilver by @nbknitting

Day 34 - Carrie Fisher

Happy Star Wars Day to those who celebrate! Carrie Fisher was one of the first women celebrities to be open about her bipolar diagnosis. She was diagnosed at 29 and battled with it throughout her career. By speaking openly about her mental health condition, she helped people learn and understand what it meant to have bipolar disorder.

She also had a great humor about it. "I thought I would inaugurate a Bipolar Pride Day. You know, with floats and parades and stuff! On the floats we would get the depressives, and they wouldn't even have to leave their beds—we'd just roll their beds out of their houses, and they could continue staring off miserably into space. And then for the manics, we'd have the manic marching band, with manics laughing and talking and shopping and f***ing and making bad judgment calls."

May the Fourth be with you! And I hope you carry a little bit of Carrie Fisher in your heart today.

Cowl pattern is called Fade Me, Seymour by @annieknits

Space Princess Hat pattern by Genevieve Miller

Day 35 - Gender Differences in Suicide

Suicide statistics around gender show a few disparities. Women are more likely to have suicidal thoughts and attempt suicide, but men are more likely to complete suicide. Often women have had several attempts, and men tend to choose a more violent and fatal option the first time.

Suicide rates among transgender people are higher than the general population, which is mostly attributed to rejection and other negative social interactions. However, there is a major lack research around non-binary people, often because death certificates in most places do not allow for a gender option that is not strictly male or female.

The underlying reasons behind this gender disparity are still a little unclear, but definitely traditionally defined gender roles can play a part. I highly recommend reading the article in my mental health resources page about gender differences in suicide from @verywellmind

Cowl pattern is Everyday Cowlette by @neighborhoodfiberco

Day 36 - Zach’s Ceramics

Today I want to give a shout-out to my new favorite ceramics artist, @zachs.ceramics . In her work, Emily highlights mental health with her fun and beautiful mugs. She is also an advocate for the @afspnational , raising money and awareness about suicide and suicide prevention. Make sure to check out her booth every Saturday morning at the @tgfarmersmarket !

Shawl pattern is Parquet Tiles by @rosyposy_designs

Day 37 - Derealization

A mental health condition that I sometimes experience is called derealization. In a derealization episode, I feel disconnected from reality and feel like I am observing myself from the outside. It is almost like a movie where things are happening that I am not completely in control of. Coming out of an episode is very disorienting and can take me some time to reintegrate into reality and suss out what is real and what isn't.

It's most often triggered by stress or lack of sleep, so taking care of myself is very important. If I'm having more episodes, I'll make sure I am taking my medication, getting enough sleep, and practicing self-care. I've got some good links in my mental health resources page if you want to get some more information about derealization and its related disorder, depersonalization.

Cowl pattern is The Peaceful People Cowl by @native.knitter

Day 38 - Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is still one of the more misunderstood mental health conditions. First of all, there are a bunch of things it is NOT:

  • it is not "multiple personalities"

  • it is not just "hearing voices"

  • a person with schizophrenia is not more violent

  • it is not untreatable

People with schizophrenia can have trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy, expressing and managing normal emotions, and making decisions. The most common symptoms are delusions (false beliefs that are not based in reality), hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that don't exist), disorganized thinking or speech, disorganized or abnormal motor behavior, as well as what's called negative symptoms. A negative symptom is a lack of of ability or function. In the case of schizophrenia, it may be a lack of emotion or losing interest in things or withdrawing. They may also have cognitive symptoms involving attention, memory, and planning.

It's estimated that 25-50% of people with schizophrenia have attempted suicide.

Treatment will typically include anti-psychotic medications along with therapy, such as CBT, behavioral skills training, supported employment, etc. Taking medications consistently can be difficult for people with schizophrenia because they often experience anosognosia, meaning they are unaware of their condition.

There is currently not a good known cause for schizophrenia, but research has been growing in treating it as a neurological disorder with a biological underpinning, rather than simply as a mental health condition.

Shawl pattern is Trianglegram by @westknits

Day 39 - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I've mentioned Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) several times, but what is it? CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on modifying dysfunctional emotions, behaviors, and thoughts by interrogating and uprooting negative or irrational beliefs.

CBT can help walk your through your thought processes and identify distorted thinking, such as catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, discounting the positive, etc and then set you up with new ways of addressing those thoughts.

Some CBT strategies include:

  • making note of your thoughts and reviewing them later

  • practice problem-solving with your therapist

  • confronting anxious situations to learn new coping mechanisms

It's a great tool that can help you in a lot of different situations, whether it is depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance use disorders, or even just a tricky bit of life you are going through. Therapy is for everyone!

Cowl pattern is Copilot by Dominique Trad

Day 40 - Self-harm

There are many reasons why someone may self-harm or self-injure, but it is NOT generally a "cry for help" or attention-seeking behavior. Non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) or self-harm is a coping mechanism that people use in order to temporarily relieve negative feelings or overwhelming emotions, or to create feelings when there are none. Self-harm can also be a way of gaining control over something when things feel out of control.

If you think someone you care about is self-harming, don't be afraid to ask how they are doing and if they want to talk about anything. Do not tell them to "just stop it" and don't push or pressure them. They may already feel guilt and shame, so you want to simply listen without judgement and let them know you are there for them.

Self-harm is not a mental health condition by itself, but it can be a symptom of a larger mental health issue. Treatment mostly consists of therapy, especially therapists who specialize in NSSI, and appropriate medical care for the skin/hair/etc.

Shawl pattern is Close To You by @letesknits

Yarn is by @leadingmenfiberarts

Day 41 - Mental Health Check-In

Mental health check in! How are you doing today? Feeling pretty good? Need some help? Really struggling? Use the emojis below if you don't want to type it out.

  • (dinosaur) Feeling pretty good, no major stressors, cruising along

  • (pretzel) Lots going on, feeling kind of overwhelmed, might need some help

  • (helicopter) I just cannot right now. Everything is too much.

  • (magnet) I don't really want to talk about it, but I'd like it if you DMed me

  • (crab) So excited about what's going on in my life right now!!

  • (flan) I am so worried about everything. I feel like I'm not doing it right.

  • (coral) I am in major crisis. I think I need help for reals.

Cowl pattern is Op Knit - texture by @stitchnerd_designs

Yarn is by @honeygirlfarms

Day 42 - Bipolar Mood Scale

You may think of your mood as being on a scale from 1-10, where 1 is the most bad and 10 is the best. For people with bipolar disorder, however, who experience both "up" moods and "down" moods, 10 would not be the best! Mania is just as concerning as depression. The goal is a balanced mood, or as my husband likes to say "on a scale of 1-10 with 6 being the best."

Scarf pattern is Wheat by @tincanknits

Day 43 - Hoarding Disorder

People with hoarding disorder accumulate excessive possessions either through acquisition or difficulty getting rid of them, regardless of their actual value. They may feel that they will need them at some point and they feel distressed at even the thought of getting rid of it. This can cause buildup in the person's house, which can make navigating difficult and can also create a hazardous or biohazardous environment.

Hoarding disorder is related to anxiety and OCD, and simply cleaning/removing the items alone will not address the underlying issue. Hoarding disorder can be looked at similarly to self-harm where it's more like a trauma response to something rather than a mental health condition on its own. Getting treatment can be extremely difficult because the person with hoarding disorder may not think there is actually an issue. It may take persistent work by family and friends to help them gain the internal motivation to get help.

Shawl pattern is Ginkgo Shoulderette Shawl by Maggie Magali

Day 44 - Self Care

We talk a lot about self care as related to mental health. Most of us think about things like bubble baths or drinking some tea or eating ice cream, but self care can take many forms.

  • Taking your medicine

  • Petting your dog or cat or other animal

  • Saying no

  • Forgiving yourself

  • Organizing your shopping list

  • Watching a show or video you like

  • Listening to nostalgic music

  • Writing a goal for the week

  • Saying something nice to yourself

Today for my self-care, I'm going to work on a knitting project that is important to me as a person and not for a specific Loops of Gray purpose. Tell me what you're doing today just for you!

Scarf pattern is Bevel by @brooklyntweed

Day 45 - School Avoidant Behavior

School avoidant behavior or school refusal is more than just "not wanting" to go to school. It has its roots in anxiety, which can vary from child to child.

School avoidant behavior includes:

  • being completely absent from school

  • going to school, but leaves during the day or escapes to the nurse's office

  • going to school, but only after crying or an outburst or hiding or refusing to move

  • having distress about going to school and begging you not to take them

The main reasons for school avoidant behavior are:

  • staying away from objects or situations that cause the child physical distress

  • avoiding social or evaluative situations like tests, reading aloud, etc

  • receiving attention from a parent

  • being at home is more rewarding/enjoyable/comfortable than being at school

Simply forcing a child to go to school without addressing the root cause of the anxiety is generally not effective. Treatment will include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), both of which I've covered before. COVID-19 has exacerbated the anxiety around going to school and we need to approach it as a mental health challenge and treat it seriously.

Cowl pattern is Hiberknitting Cowl by @westknits

Day 46 - Mental Health Abbreviations

You've probably picked up on most of these, but I wanted to provide a little glossary all in one place of some commonly used terms and abbreviations when talking about mental health.

pdoc - psychiatrist, the doctor that prescribes medications

tdoc - therapist, the mental health professional you talk to

CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of therapy that focuses on reframing your thinking into positive behaviors

ERP - exposure and response prevention, a type of therapy that focuses on anxiety

and related disorders to reduce the anxiety response

EMDR - eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, a type of therapy used to help people process trauma

AFSP - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

BFRD - body-focused repetitive disorder, such as skin picking or hair pulling

NSSI - non-suicidal self-injury

PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder

OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder

PPD - post-partum depression

BDD - body dysmorphic disorder

BP - bipolar disorder

BPD - borderline personality disorder

MDD - major depressive disorder

SAD - seasonal affective disorder

GAD - generalized anxiety disorder

Cowl pattern is called Mulder by @lochknits

Day 47 - Crying

I'm going through a bit of depression right now, which I don't generally recommend. One of the emotions I'm having is what @Hyperbole and a Half calls "crying." It's not sadness. I'm not crying about anything in particular, I'm just crying. I don't particularly care for it, but I know that it's just something that is happening and that it'll pass.

If you've experienced this before, know that you are not alone and it's okay cry. It's okay to cry about nothing, or everything, or for a "silly" reason. What helps me get out of crying is taking a shower, which helps for a lot of situations. I feel clean and fresh and renewed.

Cowl pattern is Dragon Wing Cowl by @jessie_athome

Day 48 - Mental Health Action Day

Today is Mental Health Action Day! There are a lot of ways you can take action about mental health, so find something that works for you. It can be some sort of self care, or learning something new, or sharing your story. Let me know what you plan to do, or what you did if you've already taken action!

Shawl pattern is Endless Winter Shawl by @stitchwithpassion

Day 49 - PTSD

When people think about PTSD, they typically think of veterans or people who have seen combat. However, PSTD as a result of rape, physical assault, or sexual assault is much more common. It is estimated that around 1/3 of people who have experienced sexual assault will develop PTSD in their lifetime, compared to about 7% of veterans.

One of the main symptoms of PTSD is re-experiencing, or "flashbacks." It is theorized that during the time of trauma, the brain is so focused on the fight/flight/freeze response, that it doesn't record the memory properly and fix it into its correct time and place. So then where there is a trigger, the person is recalling the memory, but the brain thinks it is happening right now.

Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a type of therapy that involves moving your eyes in a specific way while recalling parts of the traumatic event. This helps your brain repair the memory and process it correctly, allowing you to heal. It is believed to be connected to the movements of your eyes during REM sleep, which is known to help the brain process events.

Shawl pattern is The Age of Brass and Steam Kerchief by @orangefloweryarn

Day 50 - Mental Health With Marcie

It may seem like a duplicate, but I do actually have two of these shawls! Today I want to give a shout-out to my sister Marcie and her work at @mentalhealthwithmarcie . She has great videos about living with mental health challenges and discussing mental health topics. She does yoga as well on her second channel, @yogawithmarciestl Happy birthday, Marcie!!

Shawl pattern is The Age of Brass and Steam Kerchief by @orangefloweryarn

Day 51 - Resilience

Resilience is an aspect of mental health that doesn't get a lot of attention. It refers to the ability to bounce back or cope with some sort of crisis or adversity. There are several factors that contribute to a high psychological resilience:

  • The ability to make realistic plans and being capable of taking the steps necessary to follow through with them

  • Confidence in one's strengths and abilities

  • Communication and problem-solving skills

  • The ability to manage strong impulses and feelings

  • Having good self-esteem

Many studies show that the primary factor for the development of resilience is social support. Having people that you can rely on and hang out with and generally talk about things is extremely important. I am so lucky to have a large support system with several people I can reach out to if I need anything. I'm also so proud to be a part of other people's support systems. I am always willing to help you if you need any sort of support, whether it be a general question or assistance in a crisis. We are in this together.

Cowl pattern is Family Tree Cowl by @danaraemakes and the colors represent the birthstones of me and my sisters.

Day 52 - Eating Disorders

There are a lot of myths around eating disorders. And normally with my posts, I do a ton of research and synthesize things into my own words, but honestly, @crazyheadcomics and @counsellingwithalix absolutely nailed it on this one.

The main types of eating disorders are:

  • anorexia - restricting food intake and having intense fear about gaining weight

  • bulimia - overeating and then purging food or doing excessive exercise

  • binge eating - overeating without purging

  • ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) - being excessively selective about which foods are eaten, a more "extreme" or persistent form of "picky eating"

Eating disorders are often co-occuring with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and OCD. Treatment typically consists of CBT as well as family-based treatment. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental health condition, so it's important to take signs of eating disorders seriously. If you are concerned about someone you care about, ask them how they are doing or reach out to the @neda helpline.

Call or text: 800-931-2237

Online chat: myneda.org

Crisis: text NEDA to 741741

Scarf pattern is Irish Hiking Scarf by @helloyarn

Day 53 - Brian

Ten years ago this past March, I went to a Blues game. Chris Stewart scored 2, rookie Jake Allen made 39 saves, and they beat the Sharks 4-2. I came home and with a pain in his eyes that I will never forget, Brian told me that we needed to go to the hospital.

We got checked into a room at Barnes and the staff called around at all the inpatient facilities. Since it was late, there weren't a lot of spaces available. I crawled into the hospital bed with Brian to be close to him. It ticked over to the next day and still no luck. Finally around 4 or 5 in the morning (hard to tell since we'd been up all night), he got a spot at Centerpointe.

The ambulance was going to transport him and they asked if I was going to follow them, which I did. But there must have been a miscommunication, because by the time I got to the front desk, he was already checked in and no longer available. I didn't get to see him and say goodbye and that I loved him. I had to go home, but first I spent a long long time at the stoplight to get onto 94 just crying and screaming and crying and screaming. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what to do.

But, he was safe. He was alive. He was getting the help he needed. He was being taken care of. I slept on a friend's couch and hung out there most of the morning. I got to talk to Brian and visit him every day. We got into a routine where I printed out all the funny memes from the internet so he could see them. I brought our Blues jerseys and we watched part of a Blues game together (I think they won that one too).

He got to come home 4 days later and we started the next chapter of our lives together. I am forever grateful that he was able to tell me he was hurting and that we got him to a safe place. My life, and so many other lives, would not be the same without him. I love you so much, babe. Love you always.

Cowl pattern is Honey Cowl by @oranjehouse

Day 54 - Mental Health Organizations

If you are looking for help or just more information about mental health, there are a lot of organizations that you can reach out to or use their resources. A lot of these places are where I get my information, so these are ones I trust and recommend. There's obviously a lot more out there, but here are some to get you started.

Shawl pattern is The Laver Shawl by Elsbeth Steiner

Day 55 - NAMI Walk and NAMICon

I may be cheating slightly by not actually "wearing" this shawl, but it is one that I made and I do have it in my possession.

It's one of several mini shawls I have made that hang at my mom's memorial marker along with wreaths and wind chimes and other things that remind us of her. I took the Trianglegram pattern by @westknits and did just one round of it to make it a mini size.

Early in my mental health advocacy, my mom and I participated in the @namistl 2014 walk. This was before Loops of Gray, so our team name was To The Moon. I decorated my shirt with a :*( to represent depression. At the time, I didn't know a lot about mental health and I didn't really know what was going on with my mom's mental health, so I decorated hers with a o_O.

The NAMI St. Louis walk took place earlier this month on 5/13, but #namicon2023 is happening right now in Minneapolis. The themes this year are:

  • Culture and identity in mental health

  • Crisis response and intervention

  • Workplace mental health

  • Youth and young adult mental health

  • Innovations in research and treatment

  • Best practices for state organizations and affiliate

Some of the sessions are being recorded and will be available as part of Virtual NAMI Con 6/6-6/8. NAMI is one of the best mental health organizations I know of and I encourage you to check them out.

Day 56 - NEDA Chatbot

What the actual fuck?!??! I know AI is the current hot shit, but mental health crisis lines are no place for a full chatbot. There are so many nuances to what a person is experiencing that no chatbot can really accommodate. Plus the extra blow of everyone being fired after voting to unionize. What a shitty move.

I'm super sad that the helpline in question is one I recommended in the past. Here are some other organizations that you can reach out to instead.

Cowl pattern is Lemon Scone at Home Cowl by @abeeinthebonnet

Day 57 - Winning at therapy

I got reminded of these quotes today, which are a couple of my favorites about mental health. I know a lot of you will identify with one or both of them.

You may think that the goal of therapy is to work through a specific issue and then you're done and you have succeeded in the assignment. But the real goal of therapy is to learn about yourself and help adjust your thinking and give you the skills to cope with the challenges you face.

The real success is not in therapy itself, but when you enforce a boundary you didn't always used to. Or when you choose to say something kind to yourself. Or when you manage a tough situation without as much of a struggle. Therapy is something that you do for yourself and that you can do for more than just one specific situation.

Cowl pattern is Queer Pride Flag Cowl by @tiny.little.dot and @owool , which is sadly shut down.

Day 58 - Community and Mental Health

Community is so important for mental health. Finding people you connect with is invaluable. Making a connection with fellow makers can lift your mood in ways you didn't realize.

I host a Craft Brunch every month-ish so that I can hang out with my fellow makers and bring people together. We use our crafting as an excuse to check in with each other and chat about what's going on with our lives.

It doesn't have to be crafting, but having a group that you get together with regularly is super beneficial. It could be a book club, or hiking group, or online gaming, or D&D or whatever. Even if it's been a while or if it has to be remote/virtual, reach out to your friends and have some great conversations about what you all are excited about!

Shawl pattern is Old Vine by @knoxmountainknitco

Day 59 - Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions are negative and irrational patterns of thinking. They can cause you to view things more negatively than they really are. We all experience these throughout our lives, but if they become too overwhelming, they can lead or exacerbate symptoms of depression or anxiety.

Some types of cognitive distortions include:

  • filtering - removing the positive things from a situation and only focusing on the negative

  • all-or-nothing thinking or black and white thinking - thinking in absolutes like "always" and "never"

  • overgeneralization - taking an isolated event and extrapolating it out

  • discounting the positive - dismissing positive aspects as having no value

  • jumping to conclusions

  • catastrophizing - jumping to the absolute worst conclusion possible

  • personalization - treating yourself as the cause of all events, even things outside of your control

  • control fallacies - thinking either you can control everyone and everything or that you have no control over anything

  • "should" statements

  • emotional reasoning - thinking that because you feel a certain way, that must be fact

  • global labeling - taking one attribute and turning it into an absolute

  • always being right

Therapy, especially CBT, can help you identify your cognitive distortions and replace your negative thoughts with more helpful, realistic ones.

Shawl pattern is Litla Shoulder Warmer/Shawlette by @larissabrownauthor

Day 60 - Mental Health Does Not Define You

You are not defined by your mental health condition. It is only one aspect of who you are and it doesn't have to be "the thing" about you.

Yes, you may have anxiety, but you also like to read and do your nails really well and can cook a dozen kinds of pasta dishes. Yes, you may be struggling with PTSD, but you also play D&D and go to Blues games and play the bass guitar. Yes, you may have depression, but you also make cute earrings and put together fun playlists for people and know everything about Animal Crossing.

In the comments, everyone tell me an aspect about themselves that they love! It can be anything from a physical feature to a skill or even just something like "I make an effort to be kind to people in the checkout line." Bonus comment for tagging a friend and telling them something you like about them!

Shawl pattern is Mimi Shawl by @mariknits

Day 61 - Wrap-up

Today is the last day of Shawl Every Day for this year, as well as the last day of Mental Health Month. Thank you so much for coming along this journey with me, exploring mental health, shawls, and everything in between.

I hope you learned something and found things you can apply to your everyday life. I hope you feel able to ask for help if you need it, whether it be from me, or a friend, or a mental health professional. I hope you feel empowered to share your own story. But most importantly, I hope you remember that you are not alone.

Shawl pattern is Sunshine and Shadows by Evelyn A. Clark. I wore this shawl at my wedding.